“It is a quiet day in Mannequin Country that consists of one Mannequin, meet Manny the Manic depressive Mannequin”
“I don’t like walking through the black and white neighbourhood” says Manny, it seems the great big Webcam in the sky had twisted the fates on the weather, or perhaps at the time of production they didn’t know how to make it colour again and couldn’t be bothered to go back and fix the production, there are many a mystery in the land of Mannequins.
But despite his personal feelings about he photo-skills of the big Webcam in the sky, Manny persists to walk down the street (which curiously seems never to move in Mannequin land) until…
The Mannequin slips on one of the invisible banana skins that seem to litter the land of the Mannequins. In slow motion he tumbles towards the ground that looks curiously like the back of two higher psychology workbooks…
“Oh hello there” a sniffling empty bottle of Holy Water greets Manny. Another mystery of the Mannequin land is that Mannequins rarely speak to other inhabitants of the land because they simply do not notice them. Usually they stand on them effectively killing them without even noticing them, but not today, Holly the Water Container (yes, Holly, not a typo) is upset and a floored Mannequin cannot ignore such a thing!
SCARY CLOSEUP! Wondering how she got on some random desk, Holly the Water Container tells of her pain and wounds, she has left her lover in a far off land, a land called France. Malice the Rock. Will she ever see him again?
As a random bottle of ASDA BLUE CHARGE! appears behind her, she goes into a sort of wondering…type thing.
Meanwhile in Paris which is oddly in colour and the ground is apparently composed of Candace Bushnell novels and where other buildings that aren’t the Eiffel tower are represented by a couple of candlesticks…
Wishing upon a passing star, Malice the Rock prays for some miraculous chance to be able to spend Valentine’s Day with Holly the Water Container, unknowing that his request would have substantial effects on the other side of the world...
In a miraculous twist of events, a teleport occurs and Manny the Manic Depressive Mannequin and Holly the Water Container find themselves…in front of the New York City Skyline!…which looks curiously like an open book propped against a DVD stand in some gigantic bedroom, oh the mysteries of Mannequin land! “What the hell?” screams Holly the Water Container cuddling into Manny as a fantastic light…
It is the fantastical and most entertaining Tango Man! He brings a message, “Mannequin, I have come in peace to transport Holly the Water Container to her lover in Paris…apparently”
Manny, having cornered his enemy at the edge of the “skyscraper”, moves in for the kill.
Manny finds himself slipping over the edge he was just in control of. Tango Man laughs at him, like this “MUAHAHAHA, BUWHAHAHAHA! CUGALUMUNGA!” before realising that it states clearly in the script that he has come in peace, he decides to save Manny.
“By the power vested in me by the rights of two JPEGS stuck together at horrible angles, I summon the powers of a ring on a bit of string that Lorraine made fucking years ago to shoot forth from my legs and save the falling Mannequin!” and er…that’s what pretty much happened. Inter-dimensional changes caused the disturbance between JPEGs, probably.
Apologising for attacking Tango Man, The Mannequin makes his peace.
“You forgot to thank me for saving your live, after all, isn’t Valentine’s day all about giving?” Tango Man asks.
“Don’t ever tell a Mannequin to thank you!” Manny shouted at the now decapitated Tango Man. As he did this, the magical ring on a string popped out of the gaping hole of Tango Man’s body. Holly the Water Container wandered up and examined in, being an expert in made up objects of frivolously good fun she declared that it holds the secret to the late Tango Man’s teleportation!
And so, with Holly the Water Container…near Manny the Mannequin, they draped the ring on a string around him and she held on for dear…water as they shot through the heavens from New York City straight to Sex and the City, er Paris.
Having landed on another dvd-stand-skyscraper-esque type thing overlooking the Eiffel Tower (its in the bottom of the picture, look!) , Manny the Mannequin reunites the much appreciative pair. Malice the rock then points out that the true meaning of Valentine’s Day is not that you spend it with a hot date, or even a cold one! It’s that you spend as much time as you can with the ones you love!
“What a crock of shit!” Manny announces, kicking Malice the Rock and Holly the Water container down to Sex and the City…er, Paris below them. As they go they knock over the Eiffel tower and effectively destroy Paris and die. It is all too hilarious for the Mannequin who cannot resist laughing. In the end he is all that is left and he is happy so all is well, supposedly. The greatest mystery of them all is that nobody really knows.
The Cast, Crew and Setting of “A Tale of Two Crudely Presented Cities Valentines Special Extravaganzaaaaaaaaaaaaa”
With special thanks to both Psychology books which provided a solid ground on which the main actors could remain stable…literally.
Also with thanks to Location Providers, Candace Bushnell and er…whoever wrote Top 10 of New York
And again with thanks to a random paperweight in the shape of a pyramid which held up most of production, again, literally.
The lovers went their separate ways, being dead and all
The Eiffel tower was awarded a guest-spot on Richard and Judy, needles to say it surpassed them in the personality stakes
The Mannequin signed up to do another series of The Adventures of Manny the Mannequin but was mysteriously killed by Production bosses. Needless to say, he will return!
The Hand and Foot of Geo were nominated for an Oscar, naturally.
Incidentally, the DVD stand made the most amount of money on this production.